Last month, I parted ways with a long-time co-founder and friend. This was the hardest thing I've gone through in my professional life.

Sharing a few "co-founder lessons" here in case they are helpful to others.

Co-founding a company and building a magical product is like making love, having a child, and raising it. It's hard to do this successfully from a distance.

It's hard because, in the early days, startups are all about learning and moving fast. Working remotely, especially from a distance, reduces your ability to communicate, share information, and collaborate. You can't turn around in your chair and say what if we did this, you can't vent about what's not working on the way to lunch. You can't see the frustration, confusion, or excitement in each other, which is important information that fuels additional conversations and leads to better decisions. In other words, working remotely slows you down when you should be trying to figure out ways to move faster.

Perhaps you work remotely with your co-founder right now and are doubting this. Well, ask yourself: If there were two versions of your team, one fully remote and one in-person, which would you bet on? If you've worked together in person and remotely, which time did the startup move faster?

I'm not saying that all remote work is bad. Working remotely might be better for you if you're an individual contributor. You have a specific task where you're heads-down researching, designing, coding, etc. Working remotely might be better for you because you don't have distractions from other colleagues or the bureaucracy of the company.

If you're trying to create something new with partners, whether as parents, co-founders, a small team within a big company, or a group of executives, you should do it in person if you take what you're creating seriously.

We tried hard to make it work over the years, and tried recently to start remotely and work towards in-person. Unfortunately, it became clear that this was too challenging, both in the short term and the long term.

Co-founders should have a shared vision of the world and excitement for a group of customers, behaviors, and problems. These beliefs form your mission. A lack of alignment here creates issues and limits your options.

For example, I have been a crypto holder, user, and believer for years. In the past, I worked with co-founders who didn't own or use crypto and weren't interested in it. As a result, I set aside my interests to make something work with people I believe in and enjoy working with. This is a mistake. Life is too short not to explore your interests.

If you're interested in AI coding, work with people who use AI coding tools and believe AI coding will be a big deal. If you're creating YouTube videos, work with people who watch a lot of YouTube and think that YouTube will continue to be an important platform in the future.

Being aligned doesn't mean everyone on the team must fit the persona of the person you're trying to create for. For example, if you're building software for nurses, it's unlikely and probably not optimal that everyone on the team will be a nurse. But it's crucial that everyone on the early team is excited about serving nurses and believes that's important work.

After doing a couple of startups and watching dozens of friends start companies, you realize that building magical products and enduring companies is nearly impossible. If you partner with other people to achieve the impossible, they should push you, and you should never have to pull them along. The journey is too difficult for you to have to pull them and also push yourself.

My friend, Mike Rosengarten, taught me that the ideal scenario is when the person moves so fast that they push you to the point where you feel uncomfortable and have to slow them down. If you're not slowing them down and don't feel pushed, you probably don't have a partner. You have an employee.

First appeared on Farcaster